Imagine the
possibilities. Think of how the location, the time of year and your passions
can mesh together to create the perfect party atmosphere.
Keep it casual
Break out the
jeans and beer-or at least, khakis and cappuccino. You're going to dress to the
nines for 12 hours at the wedding the next day, you might as well be
comfortable at your rehearsal dinner. Even highbrow types, according to our
experts, are going for barbecues or casual affairs.
Open up the mike
Your guests may
want to take the night to say a few words about you two, so open the floor to
anyone who wants to speak their mind. Don't be surprised if there's more
roasting than toasting. The stories that might not be appropriate for the
reception are usually told here.
Infuse it with local flavor
Serve up hometown
favorites-especially if you'll be introducing guests from out-of-town to your
local cuisine. Chicago pizza, New Orleans Cajun, Tex-Mex, Maine lobster-your
guests will eat it up.
Tempt their taste buds
With fewer guests
than you'll be feeding on the big day, you will have fewer likes and dislikes
to worry about-so be daring. Serve up a fajita-filled fiesta at your local
cantina. Or kick in some foreign flavor with Thai, Indian, or Greek food.
Do something besides dine
Throw the party on
a casino boat, so guests can gamble the night away. Set up a volleyball court
or hold the rehearsal dinner at an interactive game place, so guests can bowl,
play video games or Ping-Pong to their hearts' content. If you aren't afraid of
being forced onstage to sing "I Feel Pretty," crank up the karaoke
machine. If you're a true dancing queen, you could even rent a sound system or
head to a dance club so you and your guests can get down and boogie.
Give a history lesson
Guests will love
the story behind the locale if you bring them to one of your most memorable
spots. Hold your party at the microbrewery where the two of you met, the
Italian restaurant where you had your first date, or the beautiful park where
he proposed.
Bring it outside
If you're tying
the knot in a temperate climate, you'll find that the open air will boost your
party spirit, especially if you have guests traveling from places plagued with
nasty weather. If you can find a location that will allow you to have the party
outside, it's even better. People can really relax and mingle.
Take it easy
Experts recommend
that you do something fun and simple. After you and your fiancé have worked so
hard to plan your wedding together, you deserve to enjoy this evening with each
other and your loved ones.
The ADULTS ONLY Wedding
Adults Only Wedding Receptions
If you want an
adult only wedding reception expect to be met with some temper tantrums! There
are many reasons why couples choose to exclude children from their weddings:
It could be because they don’t want crying,
fussing children at their ceremony.
It could be because they are trying to trim
the wedding list for cost reasons.
It could be because they feel they can’t
include some children and not others.
The couple really doesn’t want children
at their wedding.
Regardless of your
reasoning expect to face some arguments. Many people with children will insist
that weddings are about family and that excluding children is insensitive. Out
of town guests might argue that they can’t be expected to pay for a babysitter
on top of traveling and a wedding gift. Ultimately, you have to understand that
weddings aren’t typically adult-only events; while guests who are parents must
realize that this is your day and it should be how you want it.
If you decide to
include an ‘adults-only’ stipulation on your wedding day be sensitive and
broach the subject in the following manner:
Indicate that your wedding is ‘adults-only’ on
your wedding invitation – This will give guests the message without using
offensive terminology such as ‘NO KIDS’. It will also allow parents to
hire a babysitter well in advance.
If you plan to exclude some children
you must exclude all children. This doesn’t mean that you can still
have your 4-year-old niece as the flower girl, as guests who left their
children at home will definitely be offended.
Many guests will innocently expect they are
allowed to bring their well-behaved children if the wedding invitation
doesn’t state ‘adults-only’. If you still receive an RSVP indicating that
their child is attending, simply call and explain the situation.
If you’re worried
about the reactions of you’re out of town guests with children, allow the kids
to attend the wedding ceremony with their parents and hire a babysitter to care
for them in a nearby room during the ceremony.
The Best Man & Ushers
This is it! Your buddy is tying the knot! It’s party
time, right? True enough, but as an attendant in your friend’s wedding, you are
a very important piece of the wedding puzzle!
Below is a brief summary of what
is traditionally expected from the best man and the groomsmen (a.k.a. ushers).
Keep in mind that every wedding is unique so if the bride or groom hasn’t
already done so, ask either one to clarify your role in the wedding planning
and ceremony.
How much is it going to cost me? Traditionally, attendants pay for
their own apparel, any traveling expenses and a gift to the couple (this often
is a joint gift). Pooling your money for a group gift is a great idea!
The groom’s attendants host an
evening for the groom – the “bachelor party”.
A stag (joint party, men and
women, to raise money for the couple) is optional.
What’s expected of me? BEST MAN
Although you have been chosen as an honor attendant – you are not alone – don’t
be afraid to ask the groomsmen for a hand or two!
Help the groom set schedules for attendant
fittings, wedding day dressing arrangements, and where you have to be for
any pre-wedding photographs.
Organize an evening out for the groom.
Groomsmen can help with arrangements.
At the ceremony, you will hold the rings and,
if required, sign the register as a witness of the ceremony.
After the reception, you and the maid of honor
will ensure that all gifts are stored or removed from the facility. If the
newlyweds are leaving immediately on a honeymoon, return the rental tuxes.
Traditionally, the best man toasts the groom.
Have fun, be enthusiastic and be a rock for
your friend!
The bride and groom MAY ask you to MC – consider
it an honor.
GROOMSMEN
Help the groom and the best man as requested.
Help the best man with bachelor party
preparations.
Be punctual for fittings, wedding day
preparations and pre-ceremony photographs.
Escort guests to their seats at the ceremony
Be available to help guests with any problems
(parking, directions, etc.) at ceremony and reception.
Who gets a TIP?
I'll bet I know exactly what's going through your
mind right this very instant. TIPPING, WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY!?! Yes, we know,
you've already paid an absolute fortune for those vendors and now you have to
shell out some more. Sorry.
Here are the general rules for tipping. Although it
is generally thought to be a voluntary thing (I'd like to know who said that),
there are still areas of your wedding that require tipping, but you can still
use your discretion. Firstly, you may want to find out from your vendors if
tipping is allowed. There are several vendors, caterers for example, that
include the wages of their staff in their price. They sometimes discourage
tipping. (Bet you hope to hear that a lot!) And some vendors will add
gratuities to their bills. Be sure not to double tip.
If you are using a wedding coordinator, they should
be responsible for delivering the tips and payments to the related vendors. If
not, then it should be your best man. If you don't feel comfortable asking the
best man, ask one of the fathers. All tips should be calculated and prepared in
separate envelopes ahead of time, thereby making it much easier for the
individual responsible to deliver the tips.
Tips on Tipping:
All
tips should be given in cash. If the person serving you is an employee of
the company, their tip should be in a separate envelope.
No
one/single person should get more then $150.00. For example: Let’s say
your limo bus is $2000.00. 10 or 15% of that total is 200 or 300 dollars,
not necessary.
Tips
should be given just before your vendor leaves. That way you can judge how
much to give, according to the job they did for you.
All vendors would love a thank you card. It is
a great reminder of happy clients and let's face it; it'll help them book
future clients.
Giving
vendors a favours/bomboniere is totally up to the couple and how many they
can spare.
The ones
you should tip:
Altar boys or girls - $10-15.00 each
Limousine Drivers – 10-15% of the limousine bill, given at the end of
the evening. See Tip above.
Valet Parking Attendants - $.50 to $1.00 per car, prearrange this amount
with the supervisor based on an estimate of how many cars will be arriving and
a sign should be posted to guests that the gratuity has been taken care of.
Wait staff - If the tip is not on the contract already, 15% of the total
catering bill is tipped. Wait staff do the hardest physical labor on your
wedding day.
Bartenders - 10% of the total liquor bill presented to the head
bartender or divided equally among the total number of bartenders who worked
the full evening. Make sure that a tip hasn't been added to your contract
already.
Restroom and/or Coatroom Attendants - $.50 to $1.00 per guest,
prearranged again based on the number of guests.
Makeup artist or Hair Stylists - You don't have to tip them if they come
to you. If you go to the salon, then you should tip them 15%. Why you ask, well
the salon makes the money, not the individual. If you have received a good job,
and you would tip normally, then go ahead.
DJ - If your DJ owns the company then the tip is optional but if the DJ
is an employee $50-100.00. If you have 2 DJs (DJ & MC), give each person
$50.00 in separate envelopes. When your guests rave about your reception later,
it's the DJ that had everything to do with the fun.
Optional Tipping(amounts reflect optional tips)
Business Owners - You don’t have to tip the owner of a business, unless
you feel that they have gone beyond the call of duty and you want to give them
a token of your appreciation.
Ceremony or Reception Musicians - $5-10/hr per person, in one lump sum given to the person in charge.
Banquet or catering manager - doesn’t need to be tipped unless they’ve thrown in extras or saved
you a few hundred dollars on your bill. The tip would be between $50-$100.
Photographer and Videographer - If these vendors own the company, then the tip is optional. If they
are employees $50.00 goes to the main photographer and he/she can give a split
to the assistant.
Officiant - To tip
them is to trivialize their profession and extremely bad etiquette. Generally
you pay your fee and that's it. If you wish to make a financial contribution to
the church, you can do that separately.
Florist - You
don't need to tip the florist for making your arrangements but you can tip them
an extra $5.00 per delivery location (3 locations=$15.00) or $10-20.00 per
staff member in one lump sum, for set-up and delivery.
Wedding Cake Baker - You don't have to tip for the baking of the cake but if you are at
your reception venue at time of delivery and set-up = $10.00
Wedding Coordinator or Room Manager- This is the person managing the reception venues staff and facility
the night of your wedding = $50.00
Wedding Coordinator - If this vendor owns the company, then the tip is optional. If they
are an employee = $50.00
Wedding Planner -
This person has planned your wedding from start to finish. An appropriate tip
would be 10% of their total commission or bill.
This should give you some guidelines on tipping
etiquette. Tipping etiquette is different in different provinces, cities and
towns. Please be sure to add this to your budget. The amounts above are only
examples and are not written in stone. If you feel one of your vendors has gone above and beyond what your expectations were then by all means show them your gratitude by including a little extra something, exceptional service is a dying art and when vendors are encouraged to go the extra mile - everyone benefits.
The Second Wedding
Getting to the Church...for the Second Time
If it's your second wedding, you can usually
get married in a house of worship, as long as you follow the necessary
preliminary rules.
When you're getting married again, the most
flexible route to take is a civil ceremony. You can tailor the ceremony to suit
your beliefs and you can pick a creative location. If you want a religious
service, however, you'll need to investigate any snags you might run into as a
result of your divorce. Below, some second-marriage requirements.
Christian Churches
ROMAN CATHOLIC
If you want to remarry in a Roman Catholic church, you will need an annulment.
You've got about 12-18 months of questionnaires and tribunal hearings ahead of
you. Your former spouse must be notified of your plans and your family and
close friends will be recruited to provide information about your first
marriage. To begin, contact your regional diocese and ask for the Tribunal
Department. You will be assigned a Judge and Defender to guide you through the
process.
EASTERN ORTHODOX
To remarry in an Orthodox Christian church, you'll need to meet with a priest
and fill out the necessary paperwork. This paperwork will be sent to the Arch
Diocese for consideration. Your former spouse must be notified in case he wants
to contest the procedure. The last step is to appear before the Ecclesiastical
Court to present your case and receive permission to remarry. This process can
take anywhere from three to six months.
EPISCOPALIAN
Episcopalian priests require an initial consultation before you can proceed
with your second marriage in the church. You will need to fill out paperwork
and then wait for the bishop to grant permission to remarry. This takes about a
month.
Jewish Synagogues
CONSERVATIVE OR ORTHODOX
To be remarried in the Conservative or Orthodox Jewish religion, you will need
to receive a Get (Jewish divorce) from your ex-husband. As long as you can
prove you are legally divorced, there is no reason why you cannot receive a
Get. Your ex-husband can deny you one, but Jewish law strongly encourages him
to grant it. You and your ex can go to the office of a rabbi or your ex-husband
can go solo and appoint an agent to deliver the completed Get to you. A rabbi
or a scribe will handwrite the Get with a quill feather and when the document
is complete, two valid witnesses must verify that it has been specifically
written for you and your ex.
If you are both present for this, your ex
will hand you the Get. If you are not present, the agent will deliver it to
you. Then, you must wait 90 days before you remarry.
REFORM
Most Reform rabbis do not require a religious divorce in order to remarry. As
long as you have legally divorced, you can remarry in a Reform synagogue.
Gifts for the MAIDS & FELLAS
If
the women in your wedding already have enough imitation pearl necklaces and
monogrammed jewelry boxes for this lifetime, we suggest you put your mind where
your maids are-as in, use some brain power and select gifts that reflect their
personalities and interests. (The gifts don't all have to be the same, you
know.)
Beautiful hair jewelry, like a butterfly barrette or rhinestone
bobby pins.
A small box of decadent chocolates.
Perfume and a dainty atomizer.
All the fixings for a luxurious bubble bath.
(Don't forget the rubber ducky!)
A day of horseback riding (or kayaking
or roller-skating, etc.).
Gorgeous candlesticks and candles that
fit their decor (there are so many out there to choose from!).
Cooking, art or ceramics classes (fun for the creative
types, and relaxing for those who are highly stressed).
A pair of margarita glasses, and a good
bottle of tequila—and limes, of course!
For a business traveler, a tiny blow dryer and mini
sizes of all her favorite toiletries (even the expensive ones she'd never
buy for herself).
A deluxe set of designer makeup brushes for the beauty
aficionado.
A fine linen handkerchief (for all those
happy tears she'll shed at your wedding).
A gourmet gift basket (include a tiny
cookbook and all the ingredients to make a few recipes).
Decoupage a shoebox with memorabilia: old photos, ticket stubs
from movies you saw together and snippets from letters. Fill it with
sweets or another treat.
Concert tix for a favorite band.
Manicures and pedicures all around! (Great to give before the
wedding.)
A precious evening bag—and not necessarily
one for the wedding.
A subscription to a "___ of the month" club.
From flowers to wine, there's one for every passion (and budget).
Gourmet coffees or teas in a fun, jumbo-sized cup and saucer.
A beautiful hand-blown vase or other artful object.
Lingerie (they'll never expect it).
For a movie nut, a small collection of her favorite videos, some microwave popcorn and a video
guidebook. (Don't forget the Junior Mints!)
A lovely photo frame and a promise for
a wedding photograph of the two of you.
Classy stationery—splurge on a
monogram if there's time.
Still stumped? How about a gift certificate for a day-spa treatment or two? It's a gift that never
misses.
Know her favorite clothing store? How about a gift card and she can spoil herself.
Don’t forget
the guys….for the men in your wedding party
many of the above ideas will do but if you know your fellas well, than opt for
something personal – and remember you don’t have to get everyone in your
wedding party the same gift – use your creativity and everything will work out
just fine.
